THINGS MY PARENTS NEVER NEED TO KNOW

               

Much of my worry and general discontent of life stems from my parents.  I’m under the impression that most people’s uncertainties are.  I blame my mother, mostly because that’s what psychology tells me to do and because she is afraid of anything past the front lawn of our house.  She has emblazoned in mine and my brother’s minds things to be fearful of.  This is a legitimate excuse why I am typically nervous to be awake during the day.  She has even gone as far as to train the dog to fear everything from thunder to passing cars to the garden hose.  I deeply believe it’s her way of protecting her children.

The thing about my parents isn’t necessarily the ‘fear factor’ that I derive much of my worry from.  It’s the guilt from the never ending stream of “I told you so’s.”   No matter what happens in life, they are always there to say it.  I could walk out my door, get shot, and in the hospital my mother would be there waiting with a speech on how I had no business being outside.  I have a general fear of failure in life because I never want to have to deal with hearing them say it.  I recognize this, yet I can’t break free of the confines of those words. 

To be safe, she covers all bases, “Oh your girlfriend broke up with you?  I told you she was too good for you.  You got pulled over by the cops?  I told you, you shouldn’t have gotten all those tattoos.  They profile you know.”  The list goes on and on.  Any failure, from the smallest to the most grand has always been my fault.  There is never an outside force working against me.  It always has to be me.  This is why I’ve decided to lay down some epic failures in my life that my parents can never find out about.  I love my parents immensely, there’s no question about that.  I’d rather just not have them see certain things because…well it’ll be pretty obvious.